Monday, July 2, 2012

Human Soul Found in Graveyard!

Can you believe that a groundhog could single-handedly exhume a human being? Believe it or not, a pair of metal coffin handles were found recently near a grave next to a groundhog hole in one particular cemetery (whose name will go unmentioned). The sole of the deceased’s shoe appeared on the ground near the hole the very next day!

Whoops  - seems as though I misspelled 'sole' in the title of this blog (caught your attention, though, didn't  I?). When I was in Catholic grade school and the nuns told us about our souls, I actually pictured its shape, and it was close to that in the photo above. Pre-cognitive dissonance, I suppose. Anyway, the beast in question apparently decided it was easier to clear out the current tenant's belongings (along with the current tenant) and move in, than to dig an entirely new apartment. What an embarrassing situation for a cemetery! And what to do about it?

You've walked through cemeteries and have seen the holes, no doubt. Maybe you've even seen the elusive critters themselves - woodchucks, groundhogs, gophers - whatever you want to call them. What people don't realize is that the destruction wrought by these beasties can be overwhelming. Farmers are sometimes plagued with groundhog infestations, as are some unfortunate people with nice lawns. You can’t seal the hole, as the groundhog will just dig another one (plus, they always have auxiliary tunnels). Therefore, the animal must be removed. Now, as you try not to think of scenes from the movie Caddyshack (in which Bill Murray wages a one-man-war against the gophers infesting a golf course), how do you eradicate the beast? The easy thing to do, of course, is to hire someone else to do it.

Services exist for you to employ on the web, for both live-trapping and, well, let's just say, a more permanent solution. I was going to include videos in this blog, but most of those available on YouTube show a couple hillbillies plugging the varmints with a .022 rifle or blowing them up with explosives (feel free to search them out, if you're in the mood). Yikes. So glad I live in the city (Philadelphia) and don't have a lawn!


  1. I've found human bones a few times next to woodchuck holes. I think finding coffin handles or bits of clothing would freak me out more than the bones.

  2. Enjoyed the article - made me think of my mother who for years took poison peanuts to put in cemetery gopher holes.

  3. I live in the country (in Central PA) and know these creatures well. They also know this chick is a crack shot with a .22. I've also been known to flatten a few with my Jeep, albeit not on purpose. I don't go out of my way to hit them (swerving, etc.) but then again, I don't go out of my way to avoid them either. It may sound cruel to animal lovers, but if you've never had to contend with these buggers, you have no idea what they're like. They are destructive and breed like rabbits and they don't even make good vittles!