A Cautionary New Year’s Tale Involving Cemeteries (the Non-ChatGPT Version!)

Whether you’re spending New Years’ Day visiting a premature baby in an ICU or waiting for your mom to die in hospice, you can’t help but wonder what the new year will bring. You hope its good – or at least as good as it can get. Life can be like standing in a graveyard while its snowing – you’re surrounded by death, but then something may soften the idea. You feel that newfallen snow brings the idea of new life, a fresh start.

So instead of an all-night tears-of-the-moon rain tonight, snow is forecast. The group of cemetery photographers I had planned to hang with tomorrow backed out due to the expected snow and icy conditions. But that’s why God created the SUV, am I right? Back when I drove Saab convertibles, I would’ve found myself begging off as well. But seeing as I have an SUV, I will be out there tomorrow morning in the snow. Supposedly it will still be falling in the morning. This will make my inner child very happy.

I have a go-to cemetery for snow days, with lots of angel statues and other monuments, so hopefully I’ll have some images to post with this piece. Make hay while the sun shines, they used to say. Or as an eighty-year-old woman told me yesterday, “have fun and enjoy yourself while you’re in your sixties and seventies!” Weird, but true. She said all your kids have grown, they have their own lives, and you can just go out and have fun. While its true that most of our knowledge of the world is vicarious, I hoped to meet some of my own snow ghosts to haunt my dreams.

And haunt me they did. I always figured that if I didn’t believe in them, they wouldn’t try to get me. But that does not always work. For instance, I was raised Catholic, twelve years of good-versus-evil Bible squitter. Then a couple weeks ago, I started reading a book my friend George loaned me, by Randall Sullivan, called The Devil’s Best Trick (2024, Atlantic Monthly Press). The trick is that the devil has convinced us that he’s not real. 

I began reading the book in bed. Read about twenty pages, and put it beside my pillow and went to sleep. What I read had not been scary. The book is comprised mainly of historical accounts, exorcisms, and the author’s experiences. I awoke from a really disturbing nightmare. Something dark was slowly flapping its wings as it sat on a sort of altar inside a sort of church. Really nothing more to it than that, other than the feeling of intense evil. I tried going back to sleep, but was too wired. I took the book from beside my pillow and threw it under my bed. I fell asleep just fine.

Maybe the snow tomorrow will white-out some of the evil surrounding us these days. At least until it melts and things resume looking shitty again. Slowly, the dirty soil bleeds into the white snow. But a lot of that is perception, right? When Victoria Wyeth gave a recent talk on how her grandfather Andy painted snow, she presented four categories, something like, flurries, footprints, melting snow, and dirty snow. The dirty snow intrigued me. She explained how the soil’s brown colors were drawn up and absorbed by the snow, changing its colors in subtle ways. It had gone far from being simply “dirty” snow – now it was snow tinged with raw or burnt umber. It really is all in your perception of things, right? So is dirty snow evil, filthy, or just tinged with brown pigment? It’s a perception thing – you need to choose.

Sometimes a misimpression or misunderstanding pays off. Charles Dickens’ misperception of, or rather misreading of, Ebeneezer Scroggie’s tombstone in Scotland’s Canongate Kirk graveyard lead him to believe that Scroggie was “a mean man” - it actually said, “meal man.” Scroggie, it seems, was a successful corn merchant. Dickens conjured up the famous skinflint character Ebeneezer Scrooge based on his idea of what he thought Scroggie was – a mean man. So Dickens’ mistake paid off, obviously. (Ref.)

What then will the new year bring? Misperceptions? Mistakes? Sure. Lean into them, learn from them. Certain experiences can create an artistic epiphany as sometimes happens with snow falling in a graveyard. Maybe you pivot your old way of thinking, like the “ah-ha” moment I had last week when I realized why metal water bottles are so popular. After dragging some women to the new Neil Diamond-themed movie, “Song Sung Blue,” I was about to apologize, thinking they’d found it boring. Then I realized they were drunk and didn’t care. Its been, what, twenty years since metal “water bottles” became a thing? It never occurred to me that anyone would fill them with anything but water. Well, Bob’s your uncle, as the Brits say. Same startling realization as when I found out that the song, "Over the Rainbow" from The Wizard of Oz is the most famous Jewish song ever. Didn't know that, hmm? Written by two Jewish immigrants about hope, the promised land, and exile.

So after all, it snowed a bit last night, but then turned to freezing rain. The snow was tentative, I realized that. I wasn’t treating the situation like it would be the last dinner on the Titanic. When I went to the cemetery this morning, it was not what I expected, or hoped for. (Really, what is?) Instead of standing inside a calm snow globe that someone had just shaken, I was greeted by icy roads and ice-covered monuments. I spent about two hours trying not to kill myself on the ice and made a few photos while I was at it (much to the amusement of the drivers of the two plow trucks parked on the property). As I grabbed onto the base of a monument to keep myself from falling, I wondered what other purpose these monuments served. 

Why do monuments even exist? Sure, we all know they are meant to memorialize someone or something. In her article, “What monuments stand to teach Americans about themselves,” (Spectator, December 2025) Julia Friedman says that they show us “just how attached we are to grievance…reimagining defeat as victory.” A beautiful angel carved in granite indicates to us that even though the deceased person may have died, they succeeded in being borne aloft by angels to the heavens, and to their eternal reward. Success! Victory over death! Bullfeathers. Would we install a monument on the grave of the hiker who was killed by a mountain lion in Colorado on New Years' Day? 

Fancy cemetery monuments and buildings with your name on them do not define your life – your actions do. Whether you feel like last year was a dumpster fire or the Second Coming, keep in mind what ChatGPT said in my last blog post: cemeteries remind anyone seeking fresh beginnings of an inconvenient truth: Time does not reset. It only continues—and it keeps excellent records.

So for the new year, maybe be more realistic? Be more artistic – add beauty to the world. As the great philosopher Frank Zappa said, the human mind is like a parachute – it works best when its open. Accept your mortality, and that of others. There are so many choices in life that sometimes it looks like a Chinese menu. Buy that dog for your kid. Accept that people lie to you. Accept that people are lying to you every day. In my previous ChatGPT-created post, I lied to you. Maybe do your children a favor and lie to them every once in a while (but point it out shortly afterwards). Explain it to them as a life lesson – people will lie to you, so don’t be like a heifer to the slaughter, as musician Brian Eno sings in “Baby’s on Fire.” Instead of memorializing oneself with an expensive monument, maybe focus on making the world a slightly better place. Otherwise, the new year will suck as badly as the old one. Remember the Devil’s best trick… that the Devil has convinced us that he’s not real. 

I’ll leave you with the last verse of Eno’s “Baby’s On Fire.” Maybe it relates to your life, your job, your nation. Maybe in the new year, we should all show more respect for each other. I’m not expecting perfection, and neither should you. I’ll be happy with a six-seven year.

“But baby's on fire!
And all the instruments agree that
Her temperature's rising
But any idiot would know that”

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Read my previous post, which I authored with the use of ChatGPT,  

"A Cautionary New Year’s Tale Involving Cemeteries:"

http://thecemeterytraveler.blogspot.com/2025/12/a-cautionary-new-years-tale-involving.html

A Cautionary New Year’s Tale Involving Cemeteries

On the last night of the year, the town gathered where it always did: not in the square, not by the river, but at the old cemetery on the hill.

This was tradition, though no one could quite remember how it began. Lanterns were hung from iron hooks, their light trembling over dates and names. People brought thermoses of cider, paper hats, and a confidence that the year ahead could be bargained with if approached respectfully—preferably where time had already lost.

“Midnight sounds clearer up here,” someone always said.

What they meant was that silence sounded clearer.

Among the crowd was Jonah Pike, who had decided—after a year of broken promises, missed chances, and a calendar that felt more accusatory than helpful—that this New Year’s Eve would be different. He would confront the year properly. He would be honest. At five minutes to midnight, Jonah wandered away from the lanterns and found himself before a modest stone, its lettering softened by decades of weather. He did not know the name carved there, but the dates caught his attention. The life between them was shorter than Jonah expected.

“Sorry,” Jonah murmured, for reasons he couldn’t explain.

The wind moved through the trees, and with it came a peculiar sound—not a voice, exactly, but the sense of being corrected. You’re not sorry, the silence seemed to say. You’re impatient. Jonah laughed nervously. Cemeteries had a way of doing that to people: making thoughts sound like answers.

As the final seconds of the year were counted—ten, nine, eight—the ground felt unusually solid beneath his feet, as if it were listening too. At midnight, the bells rang from town below. Cheers erupted. Corks popped. Someone tripped over a headstone and swore, then laughed.

Jonah, however, felt something shift—not beneath him, but behind his eyes. The year ahead unspooled in quick, unasked-for images: postponed apologies, health ignored, hours squandered, love treated as renewable instead of fragile. Nothing dramatic. Nothing supernatural. Just ordinary regret, arriving early.

The cemetery, it seemed, did not traffic in ghosts. It dealt in inventory. Jonah understood then the unspoken rule of the hill: you didn’t come here to celebrate the future. You came to measure it—against what was already finished. He walked back to the lanterns quieter than before. When friends asked what he wished for, he surprised himself by answering honestly. “Less later,” he said. “More now.” They laughed, assuming it was a joke.

By morning, the cemetery was empty again, holding its names and dates with patient neutrality. It would be there next year, and the year after that, ready to remind anyone who came seeking fresh beginnings of an inconvenient truth: Time does not reset. It only continues—and it keeps excellent records.

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Hey, that was almost interesting, right? I typed the title into ChatGPT and this is the AI slop it spat out. The photos are actually mine. Please stay tuned for my original New Year's piece tomorrow! Same title, this time my original writing. No more jokes!

Good Grief - A Visit to Hartsdale Pet Cemetery

Around Halloween, 2025, I visited Hartsdale Pet Cemetery, in Hartsdale, New York. This is near White Plains, north of NYC. Following directions on my phone GPS, I snaked my car off the highway into a residential neighborhood. Pulling up to the entrance of the cemetery, I was a bit underwhelmed. As the oldest operating pet cemetery in the world (est. 1896), this was a bit common-looking, sedate. It was not until an hour later as I hiked the grounds that I realized the grand and fancy entrance was on the North Central Avenue side of the cemetery, opposite of where I came in. That is technically the main entrance – I entered in the rear. (I know, that sounds like a bad joke about Planned Parenthood …)

The cemetery is hilly, and it is quite a workout to cover the property on foot (you actually have no choice, there are walkways and stairs everywhere, but no roads to drive on). Strange tripod-like contraptions cover the grounds supporting hoses for watering the grass. I guess what struck me most about the place was its deceptively small size. From the back entrance, you walk down a slope to the chapel. A man was inside who I later spoke with. A young woman was tending the grounds over near a house that seemed connected to the property. Maybe the owner lives there.

Hartsdale Pet Cemetery, Hartsdale, New York

Turns out that the cemetery is rather large (five acres), but the eighty thousand burials here occupy a smaller space than eighty thousand full-body human burials would. The 7,000 memorials range in size from a modest stone to a full-sized (human-sized) mausoleum (for four spaniels). The front of the property is fancier and more elaborate than the rear, as one might expect. Walking down the slope, taking in the individual graves, was preferable, in retrospect, to starting at the main entrance and climbing uphill. Of course, I ended up hiking up the hill afterward anyway to exit the property and get back to my car. 

Many of the grave markers are adorned with ceramic photos of the deceased. What is it with people’s interest in animal grave photos? There certainly seem to be more pet photos on pet gravestones in pet cemeteries than there are ceramic photos of deceased humans on human gravestones in human cemeteries. Pet photos from gravestones garner so many likes on Instagram! Is it just because people generally enjoy posting and looking at pet photos in general on social media? 

My friend @photosofcemeteries by the way, has found and posted some astoundingly interesting ceramic gravestone pet photos, and I am totally in awe of how many likes she gets! Every once in a while I will find an unusual ceramic photo, but usually they are fairly straightforward photos of the dog in question.

Pet cemeteries exist, and while they are certainly fewer in number than people cemeteries, they are also rather difficult to find. I’ve been to some that do not appear on internet-based maps. For instance, Pine Forest Pet Cemetery in Stafford, New Jersey. Nicely maintained, fairly large. See if you can find it on any map. Go ahead, I’ll wait …..

See? Maybe if you had a paper map showing all the sand roads in the Jersey Pine Barrens, you might find it. 

Monument to War Dogs of WWI, Hartsdale

Clara Glen Pet Cemetery in Linwood, New Jersey, is smaller, yet it seems to appear on all maps. Truth is, the ones that do show up on maps seem to be hit or miss. Hartsdale you would expect to see on all the maps (and so it does), as it is probably one of the most expansive, and certainly is the oldest ACTIVE pet cemetery in the WORLD. Even though it was listed on the National Register of Historic Places in 2012, it is NOT the fanciest, or most elaborate pet cemetery! I’ve been to Sea Breeze Pet Cemetery and Crematory in Huntington Beach, CA – a city where even the pizza delivery guy drives a Porsche! That one was quite elaborate, but oddly, the species were segregated. Dogs here, cats over there.

Hartsdale’s inclusiveness broadened at some point from its original designation as a “Canine Cemetery” to an all-inclusive, non-denominational pet cemetery. Not only dogs, but other species as well – cats, birds, horses, monkeys, humans. Yes, humans … even lions and tigers (but no bears, as far as I can tell). So not only is Hartsdale nondenominational, but it is also non-species specific. They of course are a member of the IAOPC, the International Association Of Pet Cemeteries & Crematories (which you may not have even known existed). This certification organization represents “best practices in pet cremation care and pet crematory management,” which are made up of 450 standards for compliance.

The Walsh mausoleum, which is home to four spaniels (one named "Toodles")

I was intrigued from the inscriptions I saw that at least two humans seemed to be buried among the guinea pigs, lizards, and monkeys in Hartsdale. I asked the gentleman in the office if this was the case, and he said yes - but they have to be cremains (see reference). I was rather shocked to read in Hartsdale’s brochure that “over 800 humans rest with their pet companions at Hartsdale!”

Buried together ...

“New York is finally allowing pet owners to rest in peace next to the living creatures who provided so much comfort, companionship, and happiness during their time on earth. After all, it doesn’t quite make sense that humans could be buried in pet cemeteries, but not vice versa.”  Read More: https://www.natureknows.org/2021/03/new-law-allows-pets-to-be-buried.html

There is also a memorial at Hartsdale to the millions of animals “taken" or sacrificed for medical research. I always hated that term, “sacrificed.” I used to do medical research in a teaching hospital and they would use that term to describe how they killed sheep. We killed them. Sure, they were “sacrificed,” but we flat-out killed them in the name of science. The general public is probably most aware of the 2013 ban on testing cosmetics on animals and on selling cosmetics tested on animals. This began with the European Union, and is spreading across the globe, as companies find alternatives for cosmetics testing that uses animals. https://www.humaneworld.org/en/issue/cosmetics-animal-testing-FAQ

"Queenie's" memorial

It is interesting (to me) to note that I’ve seen monuments in two cemeteries that acknowledge humans who have donated their bodies for scientific research. Both Hershey Cemetery in Hershey, PA and Lawnview Cemetery in Rockledge, PA have specific sections for people who have donated their bodies to science.

"Sammy"

I get it, people love their pets. I’ve kept animals at various points in my life. Kept them happy and safe, I believe. I understand that people can become very attached to their animals, and the idea of "good grief" seems to be a resounding theme at Hartsdale. Still, whenever I visit a pet cemetery, I cannot help but think how people can devote so much love, attention, and money to their pets, while there are people around them who are starving to death. We memorialize “Boots” but many people die friendless and end up being buried as relative unknowns in potters’ fields. But is there anything really wrong with that? Is there some rule or guide to indicate for us what creatures we should focus our attention on? No.

Hartsdale Pet Cemetery is a landmark to whatever – our devotion to our animal companions, I guess. According to its brochure, the Lonely Planet Travel Guidebook lists this cemetery as one of the top ten burial grounds on earth, along with the Taj Mahal and the Pyramids of Giza. As Brad Warner says in his book, Hardcore Zen, "Truth doesn't screw around, and truth doesn't care about your opinions." Perhaps visit in the spring, when all the trees and flowers are in bloom. It is an oddly comforting place, much more so than a people-only cemetery.

Locked in the Cemetery!

Over the years I’ve been locked in cemeteries, sometimes by accident, sometimes on purpose (!). It has come to my attention that this has happened to other people as well. Intrigued, I am, so I want to gather these stories of other peoples’ experiences and publish them here. So please email me your stories, long or short, if you would like to be included in upcoming blog posts. We can publish names and dates if you wish, or you can remain anonymous. 

So please share! Send your stories my way to be included in future blog posts:

mourningarts@yahoo.com or Ed.stoneangels@gmail.com

One of my accidental lock-ins that I’ve already written about on The Cemetery Traveler is titled (drum roll please) … “Locked in and Climbing Out” and is about a situation my brother and I found ourselves in back in the early 2000s. This occurred in Woodlawn Cemetery in the Bronx. I lived in Philadelphia at the time (still do), so the public transit trek to the Bronx was no small feat. We ended up not paying attention to the “Gates Close at 4 pm” sign and got locked in. We climbed out over the fence, which was no small feat for him. You can read the entire account here.

The second time I was locked in a cemetery was Woodlawn, a couple months later, this time on purpose. I wanted to photograph certain statues as the night closes in, as the shadows flee. I was by myself and certainly didn’t expect to have my first unexplainable paranormal experience. I’d always felt that if I didn’t believe in them, they wouldn’t try to get me. Oh well. Always leave a crack in the shutters so you know when daylight comes, as poet Edward Hirsch says. You can read about my chilling experience here: "Voices in the Cemetery." 

So of course I would love to hear about your scary experiences, but I’m interested in everything that broadens this horizon. The surprised feeling you get when you realize you’ve been locked inside a cemetery is strangely akin to being buried alive – or worse yet, public speaking. Panic ensues. The situation is worse, or course, when your car is locked inside with you! 

Around 2020 in the Philadelphia area, I’d noticed that cemeteries were beginning to take a kinder, gentler approach to handling idiots (like me) who found themselves accidentally locked in a cemetery. The sign at left is incredibly helpful, but what about the in the pre-cell phone era? West Laurel Hill Cemetery in Bala Cynwyd, PA, installed a sign on the inside of its front gate that read something like, “If locked in, honk horn.” I guess this is great if you have your car, but if you don’t, you’re stuck inside where the zombies will eat you. I’d assumed that the horn thing was cleverly rigged up to an automatic gate-opener device, but it turns out that is not the case. A friend who worked there told me that the funeral director on-call would receive a notification that a car horn beeped, and they would then have to drive to the cemetery to open the gate. Can’t imagine the on-call person was thrilled with that task.

In the winter of 2020, I was heading toward the exit gate at Holy Cross Cemetery in Yeadon, PA, during a wicked snowstorm (yes, I was in the cemetery photographing snow as it accumulated on the monuments). Closing time was 4 pm, so at 3:30, I drove toward the entrance hoping they didn’t close early. Through the steadily falling snow, I’m watching the guy close one of the two gates! I pulled up to him and asked if they were closing early. He said yes. I said, “What would I have done if I came here at 4 pm and found the gate locked?” He said, “Just call 911 – the Police have a key.” Huh. That would never have occurred to me. Good to know!

Prior to cell phones, I'm guessing more people got locked in cemeteries. I posted requests for these stories on social media back around Halloween 2025 and then during a street party near my house, one of my neighbors came up to me and said, “Hey, I have a cemetery story for you.”

She proceeds to tell me that back in college (I’m guessing around 2005), she and a classmate were accidentally locked in a cemetery. They had to climb out over the fence. I asked where this was. To my utter surprise, she said Woodlawn Cemetery in the Bronx – the very same one that I had been locked in! (Alright, maybe I should narrow my sights here and focus just on people who have been locked in this particular cemetery!) She said as part of an English Literature project, they thought it would be cool to visit writer Herman Melville’s grave. They ended up getting locked in accidentally. When I asked her how they got out, I did expect a surprise ending, but, she said matter-of-factly,“We climbed over the gate.” Oh. No scary experiences, nothing? Nope. I did mention to her that if it was the rear, Jerome Avenue gate, it was the same one my brother and I climbed over. Not an insignificant feat, I might add, as the gate is probably twelve feet high.

I suppose what got me thinking about collecting these stories is the 911 call a friend of mine made this past summer from a cemetery in New Hampshire. She found herself locked in at dusk (but, she swears, the gate had been closed PRIOR to the posted closing time!). She had the extra juicy experience of being locked in with her car! At night! I’m not sure how much she panicked (knowing her, probably not much), but she had the presence of mind to call 911. They dispatched …. a fire engine! With flashing lights and everything! One would assume that she explained to the 911 dispatcher that she was locked in a cemetery, not on fire. Regardless, the firemen got out of the truck with bolt cutters and cut the chain that locked the gate! 

Then there was the woman who sent me this story. She called an Uber to pick her up outside New Orleans’ Metairie Cemetery. Not unusual for NOLA, since its cemeteries are one of its biggest tourist attractions. However, she didn’t realize the gates were closed and she was locked in until AFTER she called the Uber. The driver pulled up as she threw herself over the spiked fence and landed in the decorative fountain! The driver never said a word, because one can only assume, Elizabeth says, that it's because “New Orleans is one of the few places in the world where picking up an Uber rider knee deep in a cemetery fountain they just jumped over a fence into, doesn't even rank on the strangest things” they've seen.

Imagine climbing over these spikes at Cathedral Cemetery in Philadelphia!

So, these are just a few examples of what I’ve heard so far. I’m not necessarily looking for dramatic stories, but I am looking for wider fields of fancy, as they say in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. What I’d like to focus on is how you felt when you were locked in. I know how I've felt!

So please share! Thank you!

Send your stories my way to be included in future blog posts:

mourningarts@yahoo.com or Ed.stoneangels@gmail.com

I’ll leave you with something a groundskeeper once said to me as it was nearing closing time at Baltimore’s Greenmount Cemetery. I was photographing on the grounds and this guy pulls up in a pickup truck. He says, “Gates are closing in fifteen minutes.” I don’t know what prompted me to say, “Then what happens?” Without a pause, he says, “Then we release the dogs.” Good enough for me.